12 August 2002

You Know You're in Phoenix If:

  1. Salsa goes with everything.

  2. You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

  3. You notice all of your out of state friends only visit after October and will leave by April.

  4. You see a person wearing oven mitts while they are driving & you think to yourself, "That person is SO SMART!"

  5. Most of the restaurants in town begin with "El" or "Los".

  6. You think that rocks make the best landscape.

  7. You notice your car overheating even before you begin to drive it.

  8. Your house is made of stucco and you have a red clay tile roof.

  9. You can say "Hohokam" without people saying "Bless You" afterwards.

  10. You no longer associate bridges with water.

  11. You no longer associate RIVERS with water.

  12. You see more irrigation water on the street than in the Salt River.

  13. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

  14. You agree that a 115 degrees is a mild temperature for the summer.

  15. Every other vehicle around you at a stop light is a 4 x 4.

  16. You can be in the snow and then drive for an hour and it will be over 100 degrees.

  17. Vehicles with open windows have the right of way in the summer.

  18. You see people in jeans and winter coats when it hits 70 degrees.

  19. You have mastered the "two-fingered" driving technique in July and August.

  20. You have discovered numerous ways of getting that seat belt on without touching the metal buckle.

  21. You have burn scars on your body from when that buckle hits your skin.

  22. You know that the pool water in the summer is warmer than your body temperature.

  23. What out of staters call Sun Tea, we call instant tea.

  24. You turn on your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can cozy up next to the fireplace.

  25. People with black cars or black upholstery are automatically thought to be out of staters or just plain nuts.

  26. The best parking place is measured by how much shade you can get.

  27. Monday night Football begins at 7pm instead of 6pm.

  28. You can finish a big gulp in 10 minutes and then go in for seconds.

  29. There is no difference between the cold water tap and the hot water tap.

  30. On a July afternoon with all the children out of school, the streets are barren.

  31. You can get a second degree burn from opening your car door.

  32. You actually went out and bought beach supplies when you heard Tempe was getting a beach park.

  33. If you live in Tempe you are SO PROUD that you have a LAKE in your own home town.

  34. People that do not have fans in all the rooms of the house are considered to be weird.